JOKES

WHAT JEALOUSY CAN DO

A ten year old boy was jealous of his new baby brother because his mother was not paying attention to him, anymore.

Tired of this constant ignoring, he decided to solve the problem once and for all. He then put poison on his mother’s nipples while she was sleeping to kill the baby.

The next morning, the gardener was found dead.

SEDUCING A BARMAN

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. “Are you the Manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face now with both hands. Actually, no.” He replies.

“Can you get him for me, I need to speak to him?” she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and his full head of hair. “I’m afraid I can’t.” Breathes the barman clearly aroused. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes there is. I need you to give him a message.” She continues seductively, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. Then she slowly said, “Tell him, that there, is no toilet paper in the ladies room.”

SATISFACTION FROM A LAWYER’S OFFICE

A guy phones a law office and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.”The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry but he died last week.”

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “I told you yesterday, that he died last week.”

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and replies, “I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”

 The guy responds, “Because I just love hearing it.”

SWEET REVENGE

 

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean Ten Thousand Naira?”

One comment on “JOKES

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s